


Forever

by Hermioneshandbag (Obscurilicious)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Post-Marauders' Era, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscurilicious/pseuds/Hermioneshandbag
Summary: You and Sirius married young and promised forever, and that promise gets tested.





	1. Chapter 1

“I mean it, Sirius Black! Do not do it. I will make you regret it forever. Your last thought on your deathbed will be, ‘Why did I do that?’ You will sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life, wondering, dreading my revenge. Will it be quick or will I make you wait, fearing for the terrible, shattering pain of retribution?”

Sirius was holding the last brownie out of your reach and you had tried jumping, tickling and threatening, none of which was getting you any closer to the brownie. The last brownie.

You were in the lounge of your flat, relaxing on a Friday evening. You had been married to Sirius since not long after you finished Hogwarts, and despite the war you were truly happy.

“You may not be able to withstand the next method of persuasion I plan to use.”

Sirius’ eyes began to smolder, knowing what was in store for him.

“I am extremely interested in this new method you plan to use to get this delicious,” he nibbled on a corner, “mmm yes quite delicious, pastry away from me. I’m taller, physically stronger and let’s face it, I like sweet things in my mouth. So, my sweet, what’s your play?”

You licked your lips, biting the lower one as if contemplating your next move when in truth you knew it made Sirius wild for you. You took a step closer and said, “I really want that brownie, Sirius.” Then you unzipped his jeans slowly.

Sirius closed his eyes and said, “I really wanna bend you over the kitchen table and have my way with you.”

“Suddenly the brownie isn’t all that important,” you said as you slipped your hand inside his boxers.

“Keep doing that and I’ll bake you more brownies tonight and make you pancakes tomorrow.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Sirius,” you said, pressing against him and pulling his head down to yours with one hand behind his neck, the other still occupied in his boxers.

* * *

Needless to say, Sirius was in no condition to bake brownies when you were through with him. Of course, you could barely move from a combination of exhaustion and utterly blissful satisfaction.

You awoke the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking and pulled on your robe to go to the kitchen. The delicious sight of your husband cooking in his boxers met your eyes and you said, “G’morning, love,” before slipping your hands around his waist from behind and kissing his back.

Sirius turned around and kissed you and said, “It could get better, love. I’m making us breakfast so I can feed you and keep you in bed all day. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect, darling,” you said, standing on tiptoes for another kiss.

“Then toddle back to bed and I’ll bring you breakfast and then we can do freaky stuff with pancake syrup and whipped cream,” he said with wiggling eyebrows.

“Yum!” you said with a bit of a grope before you went to wait for Sirius in bed.

The pancakes were delicious, as was Sirius. You fed each other breakfast, got sticky, did some whipped cream art on each other, and got sticky again. You giggled as you went and took a shower together, then came back and put fresh sheets on the bed and got back in.

It was Halloween and a Saturday, so you were both free from any obligations. You cuddled and caught up. You were married, yes, but there were days on end that you only actually saw the other while they were asleep. Sirius had missions with the Order and you were a healer for the Order but also worked at St. Mungo’s. So, this day where you could devote yourself entirely to your spouse was precious and rare.

You talked and laughed and made love and napped and did it all over again. You finally got dressed and answered another hunger in the late afternoon. As you sat at the dinner table, you noticed Sirius was a bit distracted.

“Did I wear you out, love?” you asked after he had been spaced out for a while.

“Yes, but in the best way possible,” he said with a wink, his attention back on you.

“Go check up on him. I know you’re worried about Peter.”

“This was supposed to be our day, love,” Sirius responded quietly.

“Darling, I know you love me but you can go see Pete and come home. It will still be a lovely day. I’ll take a nice nap and when you get home I’ll let you ravish me,” you said with a wink.

Sirius stood and pulled you to your feet, hugging you close. “You are the very best wife in the whole world. I am the luckiest man in the world and I will adore you forever.”

“I will love you forever, too, Sirius. You’re the best person I know and I’m proud to be Mrs. Black,” you said tipping your head back for a kiss, which Sirius gladly provided. “No dawdling. I expect to be thoroughly ravished in a few hours.”

“And so you shall be, love of my life,” he said with a last kiss to your lips and a peck to your nose. He then grabbed his jacket and left your flat, throwing a wink and a smirk over his shoulder before he closed the door behind him. You heard his motorcycle engine start and then drift away.

You grabbed a book and flopped into the sofa to read after cleaning up from dinner, deciding against a nap. You found yourself dozing off after a while and checked the time. Sirius should have been back by now. As an hour turned into three, you became anxious. As three became six you were frantic.

You had just decided to go out looking for Sirius when there was a pounding on your door. You hurried over and flung it open, hoping it was Sirius. Your rational mind that said, Be careful, Sirius wouldn’t knock, over-ridden by your panicky need to know your husband was safe.

Your panic turned to terror when you saw several Aurors outside your door, wands drawn and pointed at you. You gasped and stumbled back into your flat as they pushed in and surrounded you.

“Y/N Black, by order of the Minister of Magic we’re here to take you into custody for questioning in the murders of James Potter, Lily Potter and Peter Pettigrew.”

“WHAT?” you shrieked in disbelief. “What’s happened? What are you talking about? WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?”

“Your husband has been arrested for the murders. Now come with us. We don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“Where is Harry? Where is my godson?”

“None of your business, traitor,” one of them grumbled.

You went with them, completely numb. James and Lily, dead? You had never been close to Peter but you grieved for his death at such a young age, too. Where was Sirius?

* * *

You were in a room at the Ministry, bound to the chair under the watchful eyes of two Aurors. They refused to answer any of your questions and you were beyond terrified.

The door opened and Alastor Moody entered. You automatically went into Order mode, which meant to pretend to be only acquainted with other members when in public.

“Auror Moody, what is going on? No one will tell me anything, I don’t know where my husband or Harry is, they said Lily and James were dead? And Peter? Where is Sirius?”

“Be still, Mrs. _Black.”_

You were taken aback by the venom in his tone. “I beg your pardon?” you asked quietly.

“Your husband murdered Peter Pettigrew and several Muggles in public after telling Voldemort the Potters’ location.”

“No! Sirius would not do that!”

Moody slammed his hand down on the table, frightening you into jumping in your chair. “Do you deny he was the secret keeper?” he yelled.

“Yes! I do deny that!”

“Albus Dumbledore says differently, Mrs. Black,” he spat.

“Where is Sirius?” you asked again.

“He’s been taken to Azkaban,” he said grimly. “He is a mass murderer, he deserves no less.”

“He would never hurt James and Lily! He would die first.”

“I can’t decided if you’re deluded or lying, but believe me, Mrs. Black, I intend to find out.”

* * *

The questioning went on for hours. You were exhausted, heartsick and terrified. Your world was turned upside down: your best friends were dead, your husband imprisoned, your godson taken and you were assumed to be complicit.

“Send a message to my mother, please,” you asked, utterly drained.

“Why would I do you any favors?”

“Because your questions haven’t changed and my answers won’t, either. Because my husband and I would not hurt our friends. Because I am telling you, Sirius wasn’t the Potters’ secret keeper!”

Moody stood up and stormed out of the room. You hung your head, chin resting on your chest. The door opened again moments later.

“Merlin, I told you, my answers won’t change because they’re the truth!”

“It’s to be expected, I suppose.” Your head jerked up at the new voice, the owner of which you did not know. “Sirius Black is well known for his charm and good looks. It would certainly be easy enough for him to convince a simple girl that he was a devoted husband and friend. But surely you know that a Black should never be trusted.”

“I happen to be a Black. And my husband is a good man, nothing like the rest of his family. And you are?”

“Rufus Scrimgeour. I’m an Auror.”

“Why was my husband taken to Azkaban without a trial? How long do you plan to keep me here? I want to see my husband,” you ended on a sob.

“I’m afraid that’s quite impossible. Minister Bagnold herself ordered Black to Azkaban. And we plan to keep you here until we determine whether you were a witting or unwitting accomplice to your husband’s foul crimes.”

“Alleged crimes! Honestly, is wizarding law so far behind Muggle law that they actually give an accused criminal a trial where he can present evidence and ask questions of witnesses, yet our oh-so advanced society does not allow a accused to defend himself? My husband deserves due process of the law.”

“I think we’re better qualified to decide the appropriate course of action for a traitor and mass murderer. You should be worrying about your own skin. There’s nothing you can do for him.”

“I am not saying another word until my mother gets here. If you want to ship me off to Azkaban, so be it. At least I can be near Sirius that way.”

“You’re a stubborn, foolish child, Mrs. Black,” he sneered.

You simply looked at him, refusing to take the bait. When he saw that he was getting no further with you than Moody had, he left the room.

They eventually released you into your mother’s custody. They didn’t realize that she was seated on the Wizengamot and there was hell to pay when they didn’t notify her of your arrest. The only thing that kept you from sharing your husband’s fate was the influence of your mother.

But not even your mother had enough influence to get Sirius out of Azkaban.


	2. Chapter 2

Your friends all abandoned you. The Order of the Phoenix was disbanded with the defeat of Voldemort. You were requested not to attend the Potters’ funeral, regardless of you being their best friends.

You were fired from your job. Not in so many words, but you were not scheduled to work. You had to move back in with your parents. Letting go of the tiny apartment where you had made your home with Sirius hurt more than you could bear. It was the last connection you had to the life you had led with him.

As if your life wasn’t miserable enough, you received a fan letter from Sirius’ mother.

_My Dearest Daughter,_

_I cannot adequately express my joy at learning that my eldest son has finally begun to behave in a manner befitting his name and family. As I tried for many years to encourage him to see the error of his ways, what with his slumming with blood traitors and mudbloods, I can only assume that I have you to thank for bringing him around to the proper way of thinking._

_It was with great pride that I read that my Sirius had been instrumental in the extermination of the blood traitor James Potter and his mudblood wife. I only wish that the Dark Lord had been able to crush their vile offspring as well, but once he regains his strength, it heartens me to know that my son and daughter-in-law will lead the charge to eradicate filth from the world._

_Please come round for tea. I want to get to know the girl who brought my stubborn son into the fold._

_I send you my warmest regards and a shared wish for the return of the Dark Lord._

_Best,_

_Mother Black_

You were enraged that the first approval that your beloved husband had ever received from the hag that gave birth to him was when he was falsely accused of an atrocity.

You wanted to simply destroy the letter, but knew Sirius would not want his mother to have pride in his alleged crimes, nor would it help his case to have his mother brag about her hero son to other blood purists.

_To the elder Mrs. Black,_

_I must confess to being extraordinarily surprised to receive your letter. In addition to it being unexpected, it was also unwelcome and misguided._

_Neither my husband nor I share your beliefs on blood purity, nor did he do any of the horrific crimes of which he has been accused. Any pride you may feel in his actions are misplaced. Despite all of your efforts, Sirius is a good, kind man._

_I plan to spend the rest of my life proving his innocence. As such, I would rather drink poison than join you for tea. You are a cruel, awful person whose only redeeming quality is that you gave my husband life. For that, I am grateful. My gratitude, however, does not extend to having any further contact with you._

_May you rot in the afterlife for your treatment of my husband. Please do not respond, there is nothing you have to say that I want to know._

_Sincerely,_

_Y/N Black_

* * *

You were not allowed to write to Sirius, nor could you visit. It was as if you were a widow, yet your husband was alive and locked in a cage. You received none of the sympathy typically afforded to a widow, either.

Yet you would rather forsake every friend and relative you had than Sirius. You knew your life was far more comfortable than Sirius’ and that his suffering was so much greater than yours. You were helpless, there was absolutely nothing you could do to make his life any better.

Since you couldn’t write to Sirius, you began to write to him in a journal. When he was free he would damn well know that you thought of him constantly.

_3 November, 1981_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_I shudder to think that you’re spending your birthday alone in that hellish place. I know you never liked much fuss to be made over it, but my love, I wish I could be with you. I would gladly suffer with you as not to be parted from you._

_And Merlin, I miss you so very much. Surely they will grant you a trial soon. They must! You have to be given the opportunity to defend yourself and hear the truth of Peter’s betrayal._

_Why will they not listen to me?_

_I love you. I will always love you. Forever._

* * *

Your journal entries grew more desperate as time went on. Yet even if it was only a line or two, you wrote to Sirius every day.

_25 December, 1981_

_My darling Sirius,_

_How has almost two months passed? I miss you every moment of every day. Christmas means nothing without you. I pray daily that you will be released, or at least granted a trial._

_I love you so very much. Always and forever._

* * *

You became a frequent if unwelcome visitor to the Ministry, petitioning for Sirius’ release, or at the very least a trial. Minister Bagnold never had time to see you, of course, and your countless letters went unanswered at first, then began to be returned unopened.

* * *

_31 July, 1983_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_Our boy is three years old today. How has so much time passed?_

_I miss you every minute of every day. How can they keep you locked up with no proof of guilt?_

_I love you._

* * *

Sirius had been falsely imprisoned for nine years when a ray of light shone into your darkness when Cornelius Fudge ascended to the position of Minister of Magic and he accepted an appointment with you. You rehearsed your speech and wore your best business robes.

* * *

_5 March 1990_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_I don’t know whether you have any idea of current events, but we have a new Minister of Magic. And he has granted me an appointment! Perhaps this Minister will actually listen and agree to give you a trial!_

_Oh my love, I have hope for the first time in so very long! I may get to see you soon. That would be a dream come true._

_I love you so much. We will be together again, I know it!_

* * *

“Mrs. Black, the Minister will see you now,” the Minister’s assistant announced, holding the door for you to enter and then closing it behind you.

You were surprised to see Aurors Scrimgeour and Moody flanking Minister Fudge. You were not overly surprised that he didn’t rise when you came in.

“Please sit down, Mrs. Black.”

“Thank you so much for seeing me, Minister Fudge,” you said as you sat in the offered chair.

“I need to be clear at the outset, Mrs. Black. You will have no more success with me than you did with my successor, nor will I put up with continued harassment.”

“Then why did you agree to see me, if not to hear what I have to say on my husband’s behalf?”

“To tell you that your husband is where he belongs.”

“Indeed?” you asked. “And what proof do you have of that? Do you have witnesses? Did you retrieve any of the Muggle witnesses’ memories before they were Obliviated? If you’re so very certain that he is where he belongs, where would be the harm in a trial? If your proof is so very irrefutable then give him the chance to refute it!”

“Your husband was found at the scene of the crime. Laughing, Mrs. Black! He was laughing! What possible explanation could there be but his guilt?” Fudge yelled, slamming his hands down on his desk top.

“You don’t want to give him the opportunity to tell his story because you don’t want to know the truth! If someone else was responsible, the Ministry has given them a nine year head start!” you found yourself yelling back.

Fudge finally stood up to his not very impressive height, and pounding on his desk with each word for emphasis, he yelled, “That will be enough, Mrs. Black! I was there and I DID NOT MAKE A MISTAKE!”

“It will not be enough until my husband is free!” you yelled back, jumping to your feet, hands fisted at your sides.

Fudge seemed to gather himself and sat back down, saying, “You may go now, Mrs. Black. Be assured that your time will be ill-spent indeed if you continue to visit the Ministry. I will not see you again and your husband will stay where he is because it is where he belongs.”

You looked at Moody before you left, shooting daggers at him with your eyes. He knew Sirius, he should have known that he wasn’t capable of such a thing.

You stalked out of the office and out of the Ministry, last hope dashed.

* * *

_6 March, 1990_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_I have failed you yet again. The new Minister saw me only to warn me not to bother him as I did Minister Bagnold. How can this be legal? How can they just imprison you indefinitely?_

_I’ve failed you, I’ve failed James and Lily, I’ve failed Harry. What if he doesn’t know how much we love him?_

_I love you, Sirius, though I despair I will ever get to tell you again. I miss you so much._

* * *

Fudge was as good as his word. When you attempted the visit the Ministry the following month, you were not permitted entry. A letter was sent by official owl stating that if you had any business with the Ministry unrelated to the prisoner Sirius Black then you would need to send a request in writing.

Your subsequent letters were returned unopened. Finally, after another year of fruitless petitioning, you decided that if you couldn’t continue to petition on Sirius’ behalf, you would prepare for the possibility of seeing Harry.

* * *

_5 June, 1991_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_I have decided to move to Hogsmeade and live with my great aunt Hortensia. Harry will be coming to Hogwarts soon and perhaps I will be able to see him._

_I miss you, my love. I can only hope that you know that. I doubt it is enough to sustain you, though. How disappointed you must be in me._

_I love you. Forever._

* * *

Your great aunt was actually quite pleased to have your company. She was getting on in years and had always had a devil-may-care attitude to society and convention, so housing her notorious niece held no concern for her. Indeed, she was rather hoping you’d spice things up.

You were afraid you would sadly disappoint her, for there was no joy or spice left in you.

A few weeks after you moved in with your aunt there was a knock at the door. You weren’t expecting company so you cautiously checked to see the identity of your visitor before you opened the door. You were shocked to see Albus Dumbledore on your front porch, pleasant smile on his face.

You took a deep breath and opened the door. “Headmaster Dumbledore, what a surprise,” you said in a neutral tone.

“Now, Y/N, I thought we were past the honorific stage,” he said in a slightly scolding voice. “You used to call me Albus.”

“You used to be our friend. I believe when you abandoned my husband, ordered me not to attend my best friends’ funeral and answered none of my letters that status was forfeit.”

“My dear girl, what have I done to deserve such hostility?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. For the last ten years, you did nothing. Now you show up to start throwing around orders again and I’m supposed to invite you in and serve you tea?”

“Yes, m’dear,” your aunt said quietly behind you. “I believe you should.”

You turned to look at her and then opened the door for Dumbledore, albeit ingraciously. “I’ll get tea.”

“Hello, Albus,” you heard your aunt greet Dumbledore politely. “Won’t you sit down?”

“Thank you, Hortensia, I would be delighted.”

You joined them in the parlor with a tea tray a few minutes later, poured and then sat down rather sullenly with your cup, leaving the socialization to your aunt.

Dumbledore suddenly turned the conversation to you. “Y/N, may I inquire as to your sudden move to Hogsmeade?”

“You know very well that I want to see Harry.”

“And surely you know that you cannot simply introduce yourself to him.”

“I assumed you would not allow that. I also know that he probably has no clue that Sirius and I are his godparents.”

“He does not.”

“I just wanted to be near. I have no intention of kidnapping him or anything.”

“I never thought you would.”

“Sirius didn’t betray James. He could never do that,” you whispered.

Dumbledore looked at you hard for a moment “I must be off. Thank you for the tea.”

Your aunt saw him to the door, but you were too depressed to care.

* * *

_1 September 1991_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_Harry begins school at Hogwarts this week. We’ve been apart nearly a decade and the pain is just as sharp as when I first lost you. How lonely you must be. Do you even know the date? Do you know how long you’ve been there?_

_Living with Aunt Hortensia is nice but I could do without unexpected visitors such as I had today. Dumbledore showed up to tell me to stay away from Harry. So I guess I won’t be invited to the Great Hall for dinner any time soon._

_I love you. I hope you know that._

* * *

_25 June 1993_

_My Darling Sirius,_

_Harry’s second year at Hogwarts is finished and I’ve yet to lay eyes on him. I moved here to be near him if he needed me, but he’s been in trouble and I’ve been useless. I seem to fail everyone I love._

_I love you._

* * *

_25 June 1993_

_My Darling, Darling Sirius,_

_You’re free! I can’t believe I get to say it. My husband is free!_

_Obviously I wish we could be together, but there are so many Aurors watching me that there’s no way._

_Please be careful, my love. I need to be with you again._

_I love you I love you I love you!_


	3. Chapter 3

Yet another school year had passed with no sight of Harry, but you heard plenty about him. Trouble seemed to find him as it had his father when you were all kids at Hogwarts.

One morning there was a knock at your door. As usual, you were expecting no one but this time your aunt was away on a visit, so you truly didn’t expect anyone to visit the traitor’s wife.

You went to the door and peeked out the window, shocked to your shoes to see Remus Lupin standing there. You opened the door cautiously. Remus had been the hardest loss. You had been like siblings, the lot of you only children except Sirius, who may as well have been. Remus’ abandonment had left scars on your heart. You knew he had been teaching at Hogwarts, had even seen him in the village a few times and he never visited before.

“Professor Lupin. To what do I owe such an honor?” you said, not a little sarcastically.

“We both know it is no honor for me to visit, but a long overdue apology is in order. May I come in?”

You stepped back and gestured as if to royalty. “Welcome to my Aunt’s humble home.”

“Knew you wouldn’t make this easy,” he grumbled as he walked by.

“Yes, well, we both know what a terrible person I am, so it should come as no great surprise that I have become a terrible hostess, as well.”

“May I sit?” he asked formally.

“Will what you have to say take long enough to make it necessary?”

“Yes.”

“Then, please, make yourself slightly less uncomfortable,” you joked. You could still read Remus and right now he was so brittle that a stiff breeze could break him. “I’m eager to hear of this ‘long overdue apology’”.

“You were right. Peter is still alive. He’s been in his animagus form living with the Weasleys for all these years. Sirius saw him on one of the children’s shoulder in a picture in The Daily Prophet and escaped Azkaban to protect Harry. Peter was the secret keeper as you’ve been saying all along. I’m so sorry. I should have believed you.”

You sat back in shock. “That’s a lot. You’ve seen Sirius? Is he well?”

“He’s gone again, and he’s been through hell, but he’s strong.”

“He’s gone?” you nearly wailed. “Why? If Peter is alive then that’s proof that Sirius is innocent!”

“Peter got away because of my stupidity. I didn’t take my wolfsbane and changed when the moon came out. Peter got away when Sirius was protecting the children from me. Dumbledore, Harry and his friends and I are the only ones who believe.”

“So Sirius is still a fugitive. And couldn’t even come and see me.”

“He didn’t want to endanger you.”

“Jackass men!” you exclaimed, getting to your feet and pacing. “Did he even have a message for me?”

“It was all a bit rushed,” Remus said lamely. He remembered your temper quite clearly and didn’t want to be the object of it.

“So you’re here to tell me that my husband spent twelve years in prison unjustly, Peter is alive and has been living as a rat and Sirius couldn’t be bothered to escape until he saw a picture in the newspaper. And apparently he’s been within sneezing distance of me for months and never contacted me. Also, you and Dumbledore are the only adults who believe the truth now and my husband left again with nary a word for me. Does that about sum things up?”

“Yes,” he said weakly.

“How delightful.”

“Y/N,” he began.

“You should go,” you said quietly, wanting to be alone when you broke down.

“I’m leaving for good. Severus outed me to a student, so I quit before they had to fire me.”

“That bastard. I take it time has not improved Snivellus’ disposition?”

“Not even a little.”

* * *

_10 June 1994_

_Sirius, you colossal jackass. You were here, all this time, and you couldn’t, I dunno, let me know? Maybe write me a note or leave a dead animal on my doorstep? Bloody hell, you’ve been free for a year and not one word! And can we just discuss that Harry being in danger was motivation to escape but me being alone and dying inside without you didn’t light that fire?_

_I am not happy with you. I am bloody furious!!!_

* * *

You stopped writing to Sirius that day. You also packed your things to move. You would always love Sirius but his love for you had apparently been destroyed by the time he spent in Azkaban. You couldn’t blame him, not really. But that didn’t mean you could continue to live for him. You weren’t sure what you would find to live for if it wasn’t Sirius, but you were too young to give up the ghost. You would need to find a purpose.

* * *

When you left Aunt Hortensia’s, you didn’t pack the journals you had collected after thirteen years of writing to Sirius. You had a tendency to read through them when you were feeling particularly lonely. For some reason, reading them made you feel closer to Sirius.

But that was all in the past. You needed a fresh start.

You found a position as assistant healer in Barnton with an older healer who knew who you were and was willing to take a chance on you. There was a tiny set of rooms over the healer’s office that she allowed you to rent, as well.

Most of the village knew of your notorious husband but were enough in need of help with healing that they were willing to live alongside you, if not welcome you warmly.

In the following months you settled into a routine. You rose early, worked late, ate whatever was easy and fell into an exhausted sleep. You took any house calls that would accept you and went through the motions of life.

And every night you dreamed of Sirius, often waking up crying. Damn him. He was able to put you in the past so easily, why couldn’t you do the same?

You received the occasional owl from your mother, Aunt Hortensia and even from Remus, but you rarely responded with more than a few terse lines. You were numb and couldn’t think of any news to share. You had simply stopped caring.

* * *

Hortensia shuffled over to the door. She had been in the kitchen and heard a repetitive scratching at the door. When she opened it, there was a very large dog, and for a moment she thought that her time had come and the Grim was there to collect her.

Then the dog let out a pitiful whine and rolled over on his back in a submissive position and she realized that he wasn’t a death omen. She took a step back and the dog scampered inside, into the shadows.

When she had closed the door against the cold, she turned around to find a very bedraggled man in her kitchen.

“It’s me, Auntie Hortensia. Sirius. Do you remember me?”

“Of course I remember you. I’m old, not senile.”

“Where is Y/N? Remus said she was living with you but I’ve been watching the house for days and haven’t seen her.”

“Not here,” she said succinctly.

“I can see that,” he said impatiently. “Where is she?”

“Probably something you should have asked a year or so ago, don’t you think?”

“It was too dangerous. She should have known I wouldn’t take that chance.”

“All she knows is that you managed to escape when you thought Harry was in danger and you left her to fend for herself all those years. And then when you did escape, you couldn’t even bother to drop in for tea,” she said scornfully.

“Did… is that what she thought? Does she think I didn’t want to see her?”

Hortensia walked away from Sirius, disappearing into a room. When she came back, she handed him a stack of books.

“What’s this?”

“See for yourself what she thought. I’ve never seen anyone so devoted to another human being.”

Sirius sat down with the stack of journals, dating back to a few days after his arrest. Before he was two pages in, there were tears streaming down his cheeks.

Hortensia sat a cup of tea down next to Sirius, then food. He drank the tea and ate the food unconsciously, reading the whole time. The sun was rising when he read the final journal entry.

His heart had gone numb and he had run out of tears hours before. He sat and stared numbly for a while, losing track of time until Hortensia reappeared to put the kettle on for her morning tea, having gone to bed while Sirius read your devotion to him.

He finally noticed Hortensia’s presence and quietly said, “Where is she?”

“Barnton.”

Sirius stood as if to leave but Hortensia’s stopped him by saying, “Sit down, you raggedy man. I’ve some clothes will fit you and you can at least go with a full belly. Another few hours won’t matter after all this time.”

Sirius winced but nodded. He would be less conspicuous if he had some proper clothes.

* * *

You dragged yourself up the back stairs into your flat after you worked late to rearrange herbs to put newer ones in back after a shipment arrived. You had to make sure that while the freshest ingredients were properly stored, older herbs were used first so they didn’t go to waste. All you wanted was a hot bath and some toast and your bed.

Perhaps you’d skip the toast.

As you went into the lavatory and began to run a hot bath, you heard the floor boards squeak in the outer room. You immediately turned the water off and doused the lights, waiting to see if there were more noises from inside the flat.

Then there was a tap at the door. “Love, I know you heard me.”

You gasped and covered your mouth with your hand. “Sirius?” you whispered. Then you took a step and opened the door and he was there and you were in his arms and you were crying and he was kissing you and the years you had been apart melted away.

“I’m so sorry, love, I’m so sorry,” he kept whispering between kisses.

“I missed you so much, Sirius,” you sobbed as he held you close and let you cry, then picked you up and carried to the main room and sat down on your tiny sofa, draping you across his lap.

When the storm of tears passed, you simply held onto Sirius for a while, so afraid that if you let go of him he would disappear.

“I dream of you. Almost every night. And I wake up crying. Did you forget me?” you asked in a small voice.

Sirius’ breath caught and he pulled you even closer. “Darling, I don’t deserve you. I don’t even know how to explain this but…Azkaban, the dementors…they take your good memories. All that I had left were bad memories. Love…I didn’t have any bad memories of you. So…in a way I did forget you. But not because I wanted to, but because you’re everything good in my life.”

You sobbed again and hid your face against his neck for a moment, then asked, “Do you remember me now?”

Sirius took your face gently between his hands and looked you in the eye and said, “My darling, my love, I remember every moment with you since we met on the Hogwarts Express. When I got off that godforsaken island, my heart refilled with such joy that I was actually staggered. I wanted to run straight to you. I did, actually. I went to see you and Harry before I went North.”

“You came to me?”

“I did. I went round your mum’s because I didn’t think you’d still be in our flat. I didn’t see you so I went to see Harry at Lily’s sister’s. Then I went to Hogsmeade and saw you outside and around town.”

“Why did you not let me see you? I needed you, Sirius. I thought…” your voice trailed off.

“What did you think, love?” he asked quietly, knowing what you were going to say but dreading hearing the words.

“I thought you stopped loving me,” you whispered.

“Y/N Black, I promised you forever. It wasn’t much of a bargain for you in hindsight, but I love you more than ever. I truly did not want to endanger you. I had no idea what not coming to you would do to you. Please forgive me.”

“Oh, love, you’re forgiven. Of course you are. I love you so much I could barely breathe without you.”

Sirius let out a harsh breath and said, “Leaving you is going to be so hard, my love.”

You sat bolt upright and said rather loudly, “Leaving me?”

“Love…I can’t stay here. The Aurors may not be watching you constantly anymore, but surely they check on you?”

“Yes,” you sighed, dejected.

“Your aunt said you were welcome back to live with her,” he said in a leading voice.

“You’re hiding out in Hogsmeade again?”

“Yes,” he said. “She was not all that happy to see me.”

“She gave you some of Uncle Wilford’s clothes, must not have been that unhappy.”

“She also gave me your journals.”

“Merlin, you saw those? The last one?”

“Yes, and you had every right to be angry. No man has ever been as humbled as I was reading those journals. I…do you still love me that much?” he asked, sounding very unsure.

“I promised to love you forever, Sirius Black. I will love you forever.”

“Forever,” he said, kissing you to make up for lost time.

“Now, my memory is hazy, but didn’t you promise to ravish me when you got back?” you asked, tapping your chin as if trying to recall.

Sirius laughed and proceeded to keep his promise.


End file.
